Red Vested Governor Jets In, Jets Out—Leaves SWVA with Empty Plates and Another “I’m thinking about ya, but NOT putting pay raises in my budget for ya!”
(CLINTWOOD) – Southwest Virginia residents were treated to yet another high-profile flyover from Governor Glenn Youngkin this weekend as he jetted into Dickenson County for a breakfast full of photo ops but short on pay raises or job announcements. Instead of delivering economic development or much-needed first responder pay raises, Youngkin delivered his signature campaign speech and a hearty serving of “thoughts and prayers.”
The governor, flanked by professional seat-fillers State Senator Todd Pillion and Delegates Terry Kilgore and Will Morefield, enjoyed a warm breakfast before heading back to Richmond, where he’s busy sending Northern Virginia in his budget a fat stack of car tax rebates—funds that could’ve gone to first responder pay raises right here in Southwest Virginia. But don’t worry, folks! Maybe we’ll get another economic development study out of the deal!
Sheriff Jeremy Fleming welcomed the governor, and Pillion took the mic to highlight that this was Youngkin’s 13th visit to Southwest Virginia since September 2024—which, for those keeping count, is roughly 12 more times than he’s delivered actual economic development projects to the region.
Youngkin spent his speech emphasizing how important first responders are, just not important enough to actually get meaningful pay raises. He did, however, find time to advocate for dispatcher pay increases, because let’s face it—someone has to answer all those 911 calls when people realize their hospitals have been gutted by Ballad Healthcare’s monopoly and their hospitals are short-staffed because no one can afford to work for peanuts.
The governor wrapped up by promising to “squeeze in as much as he can” before leaving office—which, given his track record, likely means more ribbon cuttings in Northern Virginia and maybe a few more press conferences in Southwest Virginia with nothing but coffee and empty promises on the menu.
After breakfast, Youngkin posed for photos with first responders and shook a few hands before jetting off again, stopping in Norton for a church service and a quick meal—because even a symbolic visit to Southwest Virginia needs a local diner backdrop for the social media team.
So, to recap: No new jobs. No first responder pay raises. No infrastructure investment. But hey, he got a great photo op and we got…well, another study on why we need jobs. Thanks for stopping by, Governor! Hope Northern Virginia enjoys those car tax rebates while SWVA keeps scraping by.
–Mountain Bee Satire