Farmer Fred’s Field Report: 7 Quarterbacks Hotter’n a Jalapeño in July
Now folks, round these parts we love nothin’ more than handin’ that pigskin off and watchin’ a good ol’ fashioned run game wear down a defense like a pair of church shoes on a gravel road. But every now and then, a batch of quarterbacks come along who can sling it, sprint it, and scare the overalls off a defensive coordinator.
These young fellers ain’t just armchairs with helmets. They’re dual-threat dynamite, slippin’ tackles like a greased pig at a family reunion and throwin’ darts longer than Aunt Rita’s bingo streak.
So grab your RC Cola and pork rinds, and let’s take a look at Farmer Fred’s Seven Signal-Callin’ Studs to Watch This Season:
David “Hot Cookin’” Cook – Bassett
This young man’s built like a hay barn—6’3”, 210 pounds, and throws the ball like he’s tryin’ to knock the feathers off a crow at 40 yards.
Last season, he chunked it for nearly 1,400 yards and 10 touchdowns, plus ran for 457 more. He don’t just pass the biscuit, he’ll butter it and eat it too—especially in the red zone where defenses start sweatin’ like a hog at a Baptist potluck.
Brody “Big Timber” Dawyot – Glenvar
At 6’5”, 220, this feller’s got the size of a corn silo and the arm of a trebuchet. Signed to UNC-Charlotte but still flirtin’ with offers like a square dance king on a Saturday night.
He threw for dang near 3,000 yards, ran for 700 more, and punted like his leg was on loan from an NFL team. Plus he sacked quarterbacks 18 times! This boy ain’t just playin’—he’s leadin’ a one-man stampede.
Jycer “Triple Threat” Preston – William Fleming
He may be just 5’9”, but he’s quick as a hiccup and smarter than a border collie at chore time. Tossed for over 1,000 yards and 13 touchdowns, but it’s what he does in that triple-option that keeps defenses guessin’ like a cat at a dog show.
With his tailback gone to Syracuse, he’ll be the straw that stirs the sweet tea in Fleming’s offense this year.
Des “Just Try and Catch Me” Jordan – Alleghany
A lefty with legs like a jackrabbit on espresso. Des completed 76% of his passes last season (that’s higher than my last truck’s oil pressure), racked up over 2,500 yards through the air, and ran for 547 more with 16 touchdowns.
Now he’s movin’ districts, facin’ new teams, and bringin’ that elusiveness to a whole new herd of unsuspectin’ defenders. Watch out, Shenandoah.
Cannin “Laser Beam” Lutz – William Byrd
Here’s a big ol’ boy at 6’3”, 215 who throws ropes and reads the field faster than a coonhound reads a trail. Threw for over 2,000 yards and 26 touchdowns last season like it was nothin’.
He’s got more weapons comin’ back than a Civil War reenactment and if you’re facin’ Byrd this year, best bring your lunch pail and two extra cornerbacks.
Sam “Sure Shot” Szefc – Blacksburg
A lean, mean junior machine, this young buck tossed for 1,011 yards and 11 touchdowns last year, helpin’ the Bruins to their best season since your Uncle Jerry gave up moonshinin’ for carpentry.
With a Division I tailback beside him, expect Szefc to be smoother than molasses on hot cornbread.
Mason “Lil’ Gun” Williams – Roanoke Catholic
This sophomore already played varsity as a freshman and threw for over 1,300 yards and 16 touchdowns in just nine games. That’s more productivity than a chicken coop with two roosters.
Still a little fella at 153 pounds, but Lord have mercy, he plays like he’s built from oak. If he keeps growin’ and slingin’, he’ll be the talk of the holler come playoff time.
Farmer Fred’s Final Whistle
So there ya have it. Seven quarterbacks, each one a firecracker ready to light up Friday nights across Southwest Virginia. Whether they’re throwin’ darts, runnin’ wild, or just lookin’ pretty behind the line, they’ll all have their moment to shine like a chrome bumper in a parade.
Stay tuned, y’all—and remember: A good quarterback don’t need to be flashy, just needs to be the kind of feller who can lead a team like a border collie leads a flock—loud when needed, calm when it counts, and always movin’ forward.
– Farmer Fred (Farmers never really retire, we sit on the front row of the auction and tell ya that you paid too much!) 
