How’s 2025 Treating SWVA? Like a Possum in the Headlights.
Let’s take stock, shall we?
Mom’s insulin? Used to be $40, now it’s $400—courtesy of Trump’s Big Pharma Payback Plan. But hey, if she just picks up a side gig, maybe she can afford to keep living.
Walmart prices? Higher than a holler owl at midnight—thanks to Tariff Taxes that hit working folks while the billionaires sip champagne.
First responder pay raises? Our Red-Vested Governor took those and gift-wrapped them as car tax rebates for his NoVA Elite pals. (Gotta keep those luxury SUVs properly pampered!)
Billion-dollar economic development projects? Oh, they’re happening all across Virginia—except here. But don’t worry, we’ll get another economic study to tell us what we already know: SWVA is getting left behind like last week’s roadkill.
Anything else? Oh yeah—Tesla Man thinks veterans have too many benefits and that Mom’s Social Security check should be trimmed down—because why let seniors retire when they could be bagging groceries for survival? Plus, he thinks Americans have way too much Consumer Protections! Why make it hard for the Billionaires to exploit consumers?
But on the bright side… the Governor still pops by every whipstitch to shake some hands, take some pictures, and remind us:
“Thanks for your vote, Southwest Virginia!”
We’re just waiting for the punchline.
–Disgruntled Mountain Bee Satire