“The Billionaire Illuminati Take Over: Welcome to the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)”
In what can only be described as a plot ripped straight from a conspiracy thriller, Governor Glenn Youngkin has thrown his full support behind President-elect Donald Trump’s latest brainchild, the Department of Government Efficiency, known as DOGE. But let’s not mince words here—DOGE isn’t about trimming the fat from the federal government. It’s Economic Control Theory 101, cooked up by billionaires to reshape America into their own gilded playground. And leading the charge? Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy, the modern-day Illuminati with better Twitter followings.
Efficiently Cutting You Out
Youngkin assures Virginians that cutting $2 trillion from the federal budget is just about “efficiency.” But let’s decode that: “efficiency” means slashing Medicare, Medicaid, and any program that doesn’t directly serve billionaires. Sure, 144,000 Virginians work for the federal government, but according to Youngkin, there’s no need to worry. “We have 250,000 open positions across the Commonwealth!” Translation: lose your stable federal job with benefits, and you can pick up shifts at the local gig economy warehouse. Progress!
Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy: The Masters of the DOGE-verse
The advisory committee for DOGE is chaired by Musk and Ramaswamy—because who better to streamline government than two guys who treat workers like line items on a balance sheet? These two titans promise to cut $2 trillion, which raises an obvious question: whose jobs are they cutting? Spoiler alert: it’s not theirs.
Musk’s idea of “efficiency” is launching rockets while his workers sleep in factories, and Ramaswamy’s innovation is selling companies before the layoffs hit the headlines. Now, they’re bringing their billionaire expertise to government—think of it as Shark Tank, but you’re the one in the tank.
Medicare, Medicaid, and Equality Programs? Say Goodbye!
Critics warn that DOGE cuts could gut Medicare, Medicaid, and diversity, equity, and inclusion programs. But come on—those programs are so inefficient! Why waste money on healthcare for seniors when it could fund another tax break for private jet owners? And why invest in equity when you can invest in stock options? Efficiency is about priorities, people.
Hampton Roads: A Bright Spot in the Billionaire Dystopia
Youngkin insists there’s a silver lining. He claims that areas like Hampton Roads could benefit from redirected federal spending, particularly on defense. Because nothing says “economic boom” like pouring money into military contracts while cutting your grandma’s healthcare. Rest assured, Hampton Roads, you might get a shiny new naval base while your neighbors stand in the unemployment line. Efficiency!
DOGE: From Government to Gig Work
Scott Robinson, President of the American Federation of Government Employees 448, points out the obvious: federal employees aren’t afraid of streamlining; they’re afraid of becoming “streamlined” themselves. Why? Because DOGE’s version of efficiency isn’t about making government work better—it’s about making it work exclusively for the ultra-wealthy.
Youngkin says Virginians losing their federal jobs will find plenty of “opportunities.” Translation? Lose your pension, and you can become a DoorDash driver or work at one of those soaring Virginia businesses. Hope you enjoy piecing together benefits from three part-time gigs!
Economic Control Theory: The Billionaire Playbook
Let’s be honest—DOGE is a billionaire fantasy wrapped in patriotic rhetoric. Musk and Ramaswamy don’t want efficient government; they want a government that serves their interests. It’s Economic Control Theory at its finest: concentrate wealth, eliminate worker protections, and ensure the top 1% keeps calling the shots.
Think of DOGE as a wolf in sheep’s clothing—or, more aptly, a SpaceX rocket fueled by middle-class despair.
The Final Efficiency: Billionaires Win, You Lose
So, while Youngkin smiles and tells Virginians to tighten their belts, Musk and Ramaswamy are busy plotting their next yacht purchases. And when the cuts start hitting Medicare, Medicaid, and federal jobs, remember: this isn’t efficiency. It’s a hostile takeover by the modern Illuminati, disguised as government reform.
Welcome to the DOGE era. Efficiency has never been so profitable—for billionaires. The rest of us? We’re just collateral damage.