“Youngkin’s Veto Parade: Protecting Confederate License Plates, Gambling Fears, and Billionaires—But Not Your Birth Control”
Virginia’s Red-Vested Governor Glenn Youngkin has been busy with his veto pen, setting a record-breaking 201 vetoes from the 2024 legislative session. Who needs confetti when you can shred legislation aimed at making life better for regular folks? Youngkin’s veto spree had it all—birth control bills, maternal health reforms, clean energy funding, and even rolling back Confederate perks. It’s like he said, “You get a veto! And YOU get a veto! Everyone gets a veto!” Unless you’re a horse racing facility—then it’s, “Here’s your subsidy, enjoy.”
Skill Games: For the Love of Rosie’s
One of the most anticipated vetoes was Youngkin’s rejection of a bill to tax and regulate skill games. What’s a “skill game,” you ask? Basically, a slot machine that’s pretending to be an arcade game so you feel clever losing your paycheck. Youngkin pulled the plug faster than a casino guard catching someone counting cards. Why? Because Virginia’s casinos and Rosie’s gambling facilities don’t like competition when it comes to your wallet. In Youngkin’s Virginia, it’s all about who’s placing bets—just make sure they own a racehorse.
Contraception Access: Nope, You’re on Your Own
Then there’s the veto of a bill that would’ve enshrined the right to birth control access—just in case Clarence Thomas’s fever dreams of reversing Griswold v. Connecticut come true. Youngkin insisted the bill was unnecessary and “overly broad.” Translation? “Don’t worry, ladies—until the Supreme Court changes its mind, you can still buy Plan B at CVS… for now.”
Sen. Ghazala Hashmi and Del. Cia Price pointed out that protecting contraception rights should be a no-brainer, but Youngkin was more focused on the “slippery slope” of letting people have basic healthcare. Funny how the Governor is all about “freedom”—except when it comes to letting women decide what goes in (or doesn’t) their own uterus.
Maternal Health: Because Bias Training is Too “Woke”
Youngkin also nixed a bill that required healthcare providers to undergo unconscious bias training when renewing their licenses—a bill designed to combat disproportionately high maternal mortality rates among Black women. His response? “We’re working on it.” What’s the rush, right? Black women only die from pregnancy complications at three times the rate of white women. Nothing to see here!
Clean Energy Bank: For When Climate Change is Just an “Inconvenience”
Youngkin also vetoed a bill that would’ve created a Clean Energy Innovation Bank—a way to get federal funding for clean energy projects that could’ve turned old coal sites into renewable energy hubs. But Youngkin didn’t want some fancy independent board overseeing those funds—he wanted his own Department of Energy lackeys in charge. Sen. Scott Surovell summed it up perfectly: “I wanted to create one bank to finance everything. He wants to control everything.” Who knew Youngkin was auditioning for Bank Manager-in-Chief?
Confederate Heritage: Keeping History… Tax-Free
Speaking of blasts from the past, Youngkin vetoed legislation to strip Confederate groups of their tax exemptions and to discontinue special license plates honoring the Sons of Confederate Veterans. Apparently, ensuring Robert E. Lee fans get a tax break is more important than aligning Virginia’s tax code with, you know, not supporting pro-slavery institutions. Del. Candi Mundon King didn’t hold back, calling Youngkin’s veto a bid to appease “MAGA extremists.”
Meanwhile, the governor was silent on why he’s so committed to helping folks with nostalgia for a war they lost 158 years ago. Maybe it’s the same reason his tax priorities always seem to favor horse tracks and hedge funds over working families.
Teachers: Here’s $2,000… But Only if You Play Ball
To top things off, Youngkin’s voucher bill included a $2,000 payment for teachers who spend their own money on classroom supplies—but only if lawmakers agreed to the rest of the bill’s privatization scheme. It’s the political equivalent of offering someone water in the desert but making them sign away their land rights first. Melissa Woods, president of the Board of Education, called it a “slap in the face.” And she’s right—especially when teachers shouldn’t be buying their own supplies to begin with.
The Bottom Line: Slots, Stock Options, and Slogans Over Solutions
Youngkin’s veto spree shows exactly where his priorities lie: protecting corporate interests, appeasing culture war warriors, and reminding Virginians that when it comes to reproductive health, education, and clean energy—you’re on your own. But don’t worry, the Sons of Confederate Veterans will still have their special license plates, and the gambling conglomerates will keep their profits tax-free. After all, freedom means letting billionaires and relics of the past cash in, while you hold the bill.
—Mountain Bee Satire