By Ron Swanson
There are a few things I hold sacred in this world: breakfast meats, woodworking, personal liberty, and keeping the government out of my steak dinners. But there’s one thing I hate more than a vegan burger—politicians who pretend to be working for the people while actually doing the bidding of billionaires. And in Southwest Virginia, we have ourselves a prime example in Congressman Morgan ‘Wood Booger’ Griffith—a man whose legislative accomplishments are as thin as the gruel he expects struggling American families to survive on.
Now, I don’t believe in big government, but I do believe that if we’re going to have one, it shouldn’t exist just to serve the billionaires while telling struggling working folks to ‘tighten their belts.’ Congressman Wood Booger, however, has made a career out of doing just that. He recently voted for cuts to Medicaid and food assistance for low-income children and families—you know, the kind of policies that make it harder for people to afford a simple meal or get basic healthcare. Now, I’m a simple man, but I was raised to believe you don’t let children starve while writing billion-dollar checks to corporate welfare kings.
This man has never seen a tax break for billionaires he didn’t like or a policy to help working families that he didn’t fight against like it was an overcooked steak. Instead of bringing home real economic development, better wages, or even fighting to lessen Ballad Health’s grip on Southwest Virginia, he’s spending all his time pretending that culture war nonsense is the biggest issue facing his district. Listen, I like a good fight as much as the next man, but if I were in Congress, I’d spend a little more time making sure folks in Southwest Virginia had jobs and could afford a doctor instead of screeching about whatever nonsense they’re airing on Fox News at 10 PM.
And let’s talk about billionaire welfare. Congressman Wood Booger’s logic goes like this: If a billionaire wants a tax cut, he gets it. If a struggling family needs healthcare, well, “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”—never mind that billionaires don’t even have boots because they have private jets to fly over the rest of us.
I once said, “Capitalism is the only way to go. And socialism is a vile abomination. But until we get rid of government altogether, we might as well get a fair deal out of it.” Well, folks, we are not getting a fair deal. Not when a man elected to represent a working-class district votes to take food out of the mouths of American children just so some guy with a yacht in the Cayman Islands can add an extra zero to his bank account.
So, here’s my message to Southwest Virginia: Vote for someone who cares more about bringing home jobs and healthcare than ranting about social issues to dodge doing actual work. If you wouldn’t trust a man to build you a sturdy chair, don’t trust him to run your district. Because if a man can’t even pass a bill to bring home better wages, he sure as hell isn’t going to fight for your best interests.
And one last thing—if you’re going to take food out of a child’s mouth to give tax breaks to billionaires, at least have the decency to call yourself what you are: a lackey for the rich, not a representative of the people.
Ron Swanson out.
Mountain Bee