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School Vouchers: Exactly What You Voted For, MAGA Nation!"
It was a frosty morning in Kingsport, Tennessee—both outside and inside—where tensions ran hotter than a gas stove on full blast at a legislative breakfast hosted by Kingsport City Schools. The topic? Governor Bill Lee’s plan to expand school vouchers statewide. And if you think this was a heartfelt conversation about “choice,” think again—it’s more like a legislative infomercial with a “But wait, there’s more!” pitch for privatization.
For those in MAGA hats munching their biscuits and gravy, here’s a reminder: this is what you voted for. You said you wanted government “out of your life,” but you didn’t seem to realize they meant taking public school funding with it.
Public Money, Private Agenda
Lee’s grand “Freedom Scholarship” plan expands public-funded vouchers for private schools. “Freedom for whom?” you ask. Well, private schools, of course—because they’ll get to cherry-pick students while public schools are left educating whoever walks through the doors, whether they’ve got straight A’s or a backpack full of life challenges.
Rep. John Crawford proudly declared, “Arizona is not Tennessee. In Tennessee, we do things right.” But Kingsport school leaders weren’t buying it. They know that Arizona’s universal voucher free-for-all hasn’t exactly been a victory parade—it’s more like a slow-moving funeral for public education.
“Hold Harmless” Funding: More Like “Hold Your Breath”
The state promises that local schools won’t lose funding under the voucher expansion. But Mayor Paul Montgomery and Rep. David Hawk weren’t convinced, pointing out that once the next governor rolls in, that “hold harmless” guarantee will probably disappear faster than a campaign promise after election day. Hawk, channeling his inner folksy wisdom, said: “Don’t fix what ain’t broke.” But with all due respect, Hawk, that advice didn’t stop anyone from sticking us with a $1,200 smart fridge that sends tweets.
The Classic MAGA Move: Public Funds, Private Schools
Crawford didn’t shy away from admitting the bill is a Trump-backed initiative. And in true MAGA fashion, the plan is wrapped in a patriotic bow while funneling public dollars into private hands. Superintendent Chris Hampton wasn’t having it, though, pointing out the ridiculousness of tying hurricane relief funds to the passage of the voucher bill. “Oh, you need emergency aid? Sure! Just agree to privatize your education system first.” You couldn’t script a more absurd policy if you tried.
Cherry-Picking Students, Leaving Public Schools with the Pits
School board president Melissa Woods hit the nail on the head: public schools educate everyone, while private schools get to pick and choose. Have a kid with special needs? Good luck getting into that fancy academy. If your child isn’t an academic star or a disciplinary saint, private schools can and will show you the door.
Crawford tried to justify the disparity, claiming private schools give “a different brand of test.” Woods fired back: “Why can’t we get that choice?” The GOP’s education strategy is like handing one team free sports gear while making the other play barefoot and saying, “Well, it’s still a fair game.”
$2,000 for Teachers—With Strings Attached
Lee’s bill includes a $2,000 reimbursement for teachers buying supplies out of their own pockets, but—surprise!—it’s tied to the voucher plan. It’s the political version of dangling a carrot: “Vote for the bill, and maybe we’ll give teachers the funds they should’ve had in the first place.” Woods wasn’t fooled, calling it a “slap in the face.”
Meanwhile, in Memphis…
Rep. Bud Hulsey recounted a visit to a Memphis school where a desperate mother begged him to help her escape a failing public school system. It’s a tragic story, but here’s the thing: privatizing education doesn’t fix the root problem—it abandons the communities that need public investment the most. Hampton said it best: “That recipe isn’t necessary for Northeast Tennessee.”
Be Careful What You Vote For
The real kicker? Some of the lawmakers pushing this voucher scheme are paying private tuition for their own kids while swearing up and down that public schools are fine. If vouchers pass, you’ll be financing their kids’ elite education while your local school struggles to keep the lights on.
So yes, voters, this is exactly what you asked for. When you cast your vote for “freedom,” you might not have realized it meant your tax dollars funding someone else’s prep school while your child’s classroom uses outdated textbooks. But hey, at least you can say you’re “sticking it to the system,” right?
Good luck with those vouchers. Just don’t be surprised when your public school PTA bake sale turns into a fundraiser for desks.