“The Billionaire Illuminati Strike Again: Virginia’s ‘Right-to-Work’ Push Is Right Out of the Economic Control Theory Handbook”
RICHMOND, Va.—In the latest episode of “How Can We Help Billionaires Today?”, Virginia Republicans have dusted off their favorite page from the Economic Control Theory (E-C-T) playbook: suppressing wages and benefits under the guise of being “good for the economy.” Their latest move? Cementing Virginia’s right-to-work status into the state constitution—because nothing says “freedom” like dismantling unions and ensuring the working class stays right where the Illuminati want them: underpaid and overworked.
“Right-to-Work” or “Right-to-Be-Underpaid”?
Let’s get one thing straight: this isn’t about workers’ rights. It’s about ensuring billionaires and corporate executives keep their yachts fueled and their stock options fat while everyday Virginians fight over crumbs. Republicans, led by Lt. Governor Winsome Sears, insist the amendment is necessary to “attract businesses” and create jobs. Translation? “We need to make Virginia a bargain bin for labor costs so corporations can rake in record profits.”
The Myth of the Great Employee Choice
Sears boldly declared that right-to-work laws are “pro-employee choice.” That’s rich—literally. The choice being offered is whether you’d like to work for a company that doesn’t respect your rights or one that actively exploits them. Meanwhile, Sears dusted off the ol’ family anecdote about her father needing every penny when he immigrated to America. Admirable, sure—but does anyone think billionaires like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos are worried about helping immigrant families? No, they’re focused on making sure union dues don’t dent their bottom lines.
Codifying Inequality: The GOP’s True Agenda
State Senator Mark Obenshain and Delegate Chad Green want to enshrine right-to-work laws in Virginia’s constitution, making it nearly impossible to repeal. Why? Because statutes can be overturned by lawmakers, but constitutional amendments require a vote by the public. And nothing terrifies billionaires more than the thought of workers gaining power through collective bargaining. Better to lock in the rules now, ensuring decades of suppressed wages and disappearing benefits.
Obenshain called it “a primary tool in our toolbox to attract businesses.” Sure, because companies love cheap labor and hate unions that advocate for fair pay and safe working conditions. That’s not a toolbox—it’s a set of golden handcuffs for the working class.
Democrats Call Out the Grift
Democratic Delegate Jeion Ward didn’t mince words: “Let’s call this what it is: an attack on hardworking Virginians and the unions that ensure dignity and respect in the workplace.” Meanwhile, union leaders like Brian Peyton of the Teamsters pointed out that the term “right-to-work” is a misnomer. It’s really about stripping workers of their ability to collectively fight for fair treatment. And history agrees—these laws were born from efforts to divide workers along racial and ethnic lines, ensuring they couldn’t organize against their true oppressors: the billionaire class.
Economic Control Theory in Action
Here’s the Illuminati-approved formula:
- Undermine unions: Convince workers that paying dues is a waste, even though unions secure better wages, benefits, and protections.
- Divide and conquer: Stir up resentment against unions and marginalized groups so workers blame each other, not the corporations hoarding profits.
- Lock it in: Codify anti-union laws so future generations can’t undo the damage, ensuring a steady stream of cheap labor.
This isn’t about the economy; it’s about control—controlling wages, controlling benefits, and controlling the narrative so workers stay powerless while the billionaire class laughs all the way to the Cayman Islands.
“A Jim Crow Relic With a Shiny New Bow”
As historian Michael Pierce noted, right-to-work laws have roots in racism and antisemitism, designed to pit workers against each other. Today, the GOP is repackaging the same playbook, claiming these laws are about “freedom.” But let’s be honest: the only freedom they care about is the freedom for billionaires to exploit workers without interference.
Virginia’s Working Class Deserves Better
Instead of codifying inequality, how about focusing on policies that actually help workers? Raising the minimum wage, expanding collective bargaining rights, and strengthening workplace protections would do far more for Virginia’s economy than any right-to-work law ever could. But don’t hold your breath—economic control isn’t about fairness. It’s about making sure the billionaire Illuminati keep calling the shots.
So, while Republicans pat themselves on the back for “attracting businesses,” remember who’s really benefiting. It’s not the workers in Virginia—it’s the CEOs laughing at their tax shelters, secure in the knowledge that the right-to-work grift keeps their profits safe.
And if you’re not mad yet, you’re not paying attention.
–Mountain Bee Satire